5iive Reasons to Go See Twilight: New Moon... Tonight!

Alex McPherson
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As all you Twihard fans out there know, tonight is the premiere of Twilight: New Moon! Excitement doesn’t even begin to cover my feelings, so it seemed the perfect time to bring back my long forgotten and sparsely used 5iive. Now as you no doubt are wondering, “Alex, why would I want to see Twilight: New Moon on its opening night?” Well I have the answer for you, and it’s much simpler than you may have guessed.


5. Vampunks – Not only do we have our original sparkly vampires, we now have a shady group called the Volturi to swoon over. They’re steely, super-powerful, and super-evil. Or they seem evil or something. I mean, Edward is getting all up in their grills; I figure there must be something sketch about them right?


4. Werenativeamericans – Bet ya didn’t catch that foreshadowing in the first movie about the two tribes and the bats and wolves and them hating each other right? You’ve read the book? Well that’s no fair. It makes it absolutely no fun when the movie comes out. Because then you wouldn’t know that the skinny  Jacob kid is a werewolf. And he’s not so skinny anymore. And he’s allergic to shirts. Wait, you saw a preview of the movie with him too? Now you’re just trying to spoil the experience.


3. Vampires fighting Werewolves fighting Polar Bears – Alright, so I have a confession to make. I really don’t think there’s a lot of Vampires fighting Werewolves. Like the two live villains from the last film come back, but it’s nothing like Underworld. It’s really more like BBC’s Being Human. They fight about who hasn’t taken out the garbage.


2. Dakota Fanning – This pint sized powerhouse is the actress of our times. And in Twilight: New Moon she’s doing what she does best. Being a creepy freakin’ kid. In reality, she’s an old vampire with powers and blah, blah, blah. I just want to see her shoot icy glares from her eyes that blacken your very soul. Don’t think she can’t do it. The Secret Life of Bees was ruse. To get us to see Push. To make us want to kill ourselves. Don’t be fooled America. This threat is second to Bears.


1. The Looneys Fans! – No premiere of epic proportions is worth its salt unless it has hordes of screaming fans in costumes waiting to break down the doors. Sure, Harry Potter had this, but you want to know what makes Twilight: New Moon better? No magic. This is a heartfelt story about vampires and werewolves that is true to life. And nothing can take that away from it. Not even the acting; or the story itself.


So tell me, why are you going to see the movie tonight? And how could you tell I never read the book? I thought I was pretty legit..

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